Last week, I sent a newsletter stating what I do in Ministry. I spent all week with another idea to write, but when I sat down to write, something else came from my heart. I didn't know God was setting me up for encouragement and correction.

I have grown weary, dissatisfied, and disillusioned about my life. I'm not tempted to return to Egypt or live on my terms. I am not tempted to quit what I am doing. God is my life, and His will matters more to me than my life. However, my heart spoke things that should not be said to a holy God. Thoughts that exalted itself over the written word of God but never left my lips. Over the past year, I have seen God's loving kindness and soft correction, but recently, I needed a shout—a solemn rebuke.

I am not new to the Ministry. I grew up in Ministry as a child. I didn't serve the Lord nor knew Him until I was 28, but I did know the inner workings of Ministry. I got saved on Labor Day 1999; four days later, I entered Ministry on the streets of Oklahoma City doing the work of an Evangelist. The group I joined took sack lunches to the homeless throughout the camps and hidden places downtown OKC.

At 30, I was laid off from my job and went full-time Ministry in the street ministry, the church I attended, and a Christian boarding school for troubled teens. At 33, I started my teaching ministry. I didn't want my own Ministry. I preferred to be part of someone else's. However, the leadership thought otherwise, and I launched my online teaching ministry in 2003.

I took a secular job in 2005 and continued to upload teachings to my websites. After 12 years of wilderness experiences and trying to grasp God's call upon my life and why I wasn't blessed with success, God led me to quit my job, live off my house savings, and prepare for full-time Ministry. That was 2017, six years ago.

I am here in 2023, 20 years of an Internet Ministry: my multiple websites and social media platforms have an astounding low viewer rate. I removed most of my videos from YouTube because I couldn't bear seeing another year go by and have zero views on most videos. I haven't checked, but I may have a video that went viral, if five views are viral. Three of the views are me checking anonymously to see if there is a technical problem. Do you remember waiting for a delayed call from a desired love interest at home and picking up the receiver to verify the dial tone? Yes, I can laugh at this; how else should I respond?

Most people wonder why I continue to post messages if no one pays attention. I don't know. I ask myself that all the time.

What else am I going to do? Seeking God and putting together messages that He has given me is my life. There is nothing else worthwhile in my mind and my heart. People state to do what you would if money weren't an issue. I am doing that very thing. And now, where am I today? What has God said concerning His will for my life and my exalted thoughts?

As for His will for my life, God has said little. As for my exalted thoughts, He has said much.

Last week, I posted the Ministry I do by the leading of the Spirit of Truth, the Holy Spirit.

Habakkuk 2:2-3 Then the Lord answered me and said: "Write the vision And make it plain on tablets, That he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

My websites are not going offline. I will continue to post even if no one sees them. It is my vision. And as I have said for years, it is my drink offering to the Lord. I will pour out my life to the Lord even if no one drinks from the living water that comes from my belly. King David yearned for water that came from Jerusalem. Two of his men risked their lives to break through the enemy line to get a glass of water for David, and then David poured it out upon the ground as a drink offering, refusing even a sip of it. It was too valuable for him to drink. My work is not a waste.

I have pulled from the wells of Salvation over the last 20 years and drank of it. It is the best water I have because it is the living water that Jesus promised those who draw from Him. My website is a memorial to all the time the Holy Spirit has spent with me, teaching me spirit-life and truth. Revelation comes to me like water. God has never held back a cup of living water. My thirst is deep, and so is the well of God.

To take down and hide my websites because God isn't doing anything with them would be dishonoring Him and hiding my light under a bed. Every day, God shines His light in desolate areas where no man can give Him glory, but all creation groans to see man's redemption. What is it to me if I am one of these fields in the country that no man sees? Doesn’t God's glory still shine?

Subconsciously, but led by the Lord, I did what God told Habakkuk to do. I made my vision plain so I may run with it, knowing a season will come and it will not be late. As I prepared for September videos this week, I found Habakkuk on the list to read on So, I read it and did a video on it this morning.

Habakkuk had a strong sense of justice, as I do. He cried out to God to do something about the ungodliness in Israel. When God answered what He would do; Habakkuk was dismayed that God would use the injustice of worse nations to bring justice to His chosen nation. In essence, this Prophet was appalled by God's plan, which he considered unjust. God, in His mercy, did not strike down the Prophet for questioning the Integrity of God but instead encouraged that all will work out together for those who love God and are in His purpose. Habakkuk responded to the mercy of God by giving up his sense of justice, crying out for mercy in justice, and then rejoicing in the Lord even if the land never again bore fruit. God is just. Always! And will give us the strength to endure.

Even though I may be with other people crying out from the wilderness with no one to hear, I will still cry out. God hears. God sees my labor. And He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

 And for the few that hear, and I am thankful, there is no temptation uncommon to man. What I have been tempted to raise my voice to God in my heart may be where you are also tempted. Repent and take no counsel or question against God’s ways. He is the Potter, and we are the clay. What is to us where He plants us to bloom? And if we only shine to give Him pleasure, isn't that enough? A famous king once said how much better it would be to have one day in the courts of the Lord than a thousand elsewhere. And to be a doorkeeper in the house of the Lord is better than being in front of the wicked.

I am not sure of the current plans of God for me. I know I will no longer press Him like Samson's fiancé to get answers, or Delilah charges Samson that you don't love me if you hold back from me. Or complain like Hannah because my life looks barren to outsiders, and I miss the fellowship with the Father more meaningfully than ten ministries.

Maybe I have seen the five-fold Ministry as God's elite team and need to be out front to get His attention. I have never been accused of jockeying for position or coveting the pastor's pulpit. Indeed, I have never done such things. I never asked for a ministry. I'm a natural recluse, and I'm unsure how I could ever carry the weight of such a ministry. I am content seeking God but have an undercurrent that says I need to do something more. I have spent years on the sidelines begging the coach to put me in. No one grows up dreaming of being the water boy. But I'm told I do make a good waterboy.

Maybe you, too, have been tempted by the work of the Ministry to get into the game and the Marthas of the church to get up from the feet of Jesus too early. Maybe you have missed the fact, like I have, how many times Jesus comes to the house to teach us the spirit of truth if we will sit and enter His rest. How many times have you climbed a tree to be seen by God when He already knows our name and is headed to your house to sup with you?

The Potter is still molding me. And for now, I am drinking from His glass of living water. I may be asked to drink from the cup of suffering someday. In a society that exalts success defined by man, we need to know that the gate is wide, and the true path is narrow. Only 25% of the seed of the word of God makes it into good ground. Jesus went to the cross, and all the disciples scattered. Timothy wrote a despairing letter to Paul, the apostle, that he was losing large parts of his church. Paul encouraged Timothy to keep up the good fight of faith but acknowledged that he had lost all of Asia. What a loss! All of Asia! That is if you count failure and success by man's standards. God sees you and me. We don't have to be out in front or do great works defined by man to be seen and valued by Jesus and our Father. He sees us where we are and where He shapes us. He is the Potter, and we are the clay. Let Him do His work. We are His workmanship in Christ Jesus and not our own. None of us want to be where we are not created to be. Or, in the least, not yet prepared.

Will you join me, with Mary, at the feet of Jesus so that what is given to us is not lost in the frantic work of the Ministry?

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